AmateurswithKnives.com is up and running. Hope you love it as much as we do.

The food blog I mentioned a few days ago is coming together. We’ve got Ken and Rich lined up to help write for it, Ed’s even volunteered to do a monthly segment on wine, and we’re still searching for more. As I said previously, my only criteria is that if you volunteer to become a contributor, you have to agree to write consistently. If that means writing weekly, every other week, or monthly, so be it - I just don’t want someone coming in with the best intentions, writing one post, and then disappearing completely from the site.

In order to get a site going, you need a site name. After much discussion, some disagreement, and many virtual shrugs, Ken came up with the following:

AmateursWithKnives.com

I was smitten. The name was available for purchase so Tom bought it for us last night. We should have a blank site up and running by this weekend, and I’ll keep you posted on the kickoff. We want to have a new recipe site attached to it, and I’m thinking about getting a subscription RecipeZaar.com, as they also have a nutritional calculator for recipes. We’ll let you know. I’m very excited. If you’re interested in being a contributor, or know of someone who is, shoot me an email or post below!

I’m burning the candle at both ends and some in the middle. School has only been back in session for two weeks and I’m already struggling. Working until 6:00 at night is starting to get the best of me, as well as a gaming schedule that I haven’t tapered back on — which leaves all of my other extra-curricular activities vying for any spare minutes I can possibly give them. The kitchen face-lift has to be done before my parents fly out in April, and I only have a few hours on Saturdays to do it — and that’s going to change since a friend wants me to start recording my vocals to his songs, and that will take place on Saturdays, as it’s my only free day. Needless to say, there’s no way I can get the kitchen done without paying someone to come in and help me, but I think that’s out of the question. Writing has completely fallen off my radar. I don’t even pretend that I’m going to get time to write anymore. To make myself feel better about not writing, I tell myself that I don’t like it and that I suck at it. It’s working (sort of). My pumpkin-time, which is the hard stop that I reach every night and head up to bed, was formerly 10:00 pm. Now it is “whenever.”

I can always tell when I am reaching the point of exhaustion, because I say the opposite of everything I am thinking, and this is been becoming more and more frequent. “Widen” becomes “narrow” and “hard” becomes “soft” and “north” becomes “south” — you get the picture. Tom has been correcting me a lot these past few days. “Did you mean to say (insert word here), honey?” He will ask. Now I am to the point where I can no longer speak my thoughts coherently, and it’s getting worse. Late last week, while I was emailing someone, I realized I had started doing it in my typing. I’m no longer coherent.

I’m crashing and burning. I can feel it. It’s in the headache I’ve had every morning for the past week. Not sure what I am going to do. The obvious answer is to start cutting back or completely cut things off of my schedule, but I’m pretty passionate about everything that is on my plate, even the gaming. I want to keep the gaming on my schedule because I have worked so hard for this guild and making sure there are events and people are happy. But then, a close friend of mine said to me a few weeks ago that Ed would be the perfect guild leader. I asked, “Is there something wrong with the way I have been doing things?” He said no, because we absolutely need someone to schedule things, but Ed would just be perfect…”

So I’m the guild secretary. How quaint. Now that I have this hurtful comment to deal with, I think I should just cancel my WoW subscription until school is over in June. I don’t know, maybe I’m just feeling unappreciated again.

I’ll get back to you. For now, I’m drowning and there’s no rescue in sight.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about group blogs and how much I would love to be a part of one. I did try it once, but the topics on that particular blog were so varied I felt like there was no real place for me. So what I’d like to do is contribute to a blog that revolved around one subject. There are a couple of subjects I could really sink my teeth into, but I just wasn’t sure who I could get to do this with me, and what their interests would be. After a drawn out discussion with Ken, we agreed that we would do a food blog.

Group food blogs aren’t unheard of. There are a bunch and I subscribe to some of them. The only thing that really bugs me about group blogs is that there will be 50 posts in one day because there are so many writers. I don’t have time to read 50 lengthy posts in one day. What I end up doing is glossing them over just so I can mark them read.

I do think that to be a successful blog (and by “successful” I mean something I can be proud of, not that we have thousands of readers) there should regular posts, and a few of those having actual substance. There has to be a balance between long and short posts, a variety of humor posts mixed with serious recipes and the gadget reviews. As for long posts, I’m not usually a big fan of them unless they’re broken up with pictures or the subject is really interesting - and that’s ironic since my posts are usually long. I don’t know why that is.

This blog should reflect the writers - so there would have to be a great deal of humor involved. If someone isn’t exactly a foodie and they can’t really cook but would like to write funny reviews of food television shows, I’d be all for that. It can be short and funny with photos, and that’s fine. Or, if a non-foodie friend wants to be the writer of the “horrors” of cooking ingredients - such as frozen, canned or boxed food, I’d be all for it. “Do NOT eat this, people!”

This will mean that my food posts will all go to a different site, and I can focus this site to be something else. What that else will be, I have yet to decide. It will still be a general blog, but I’d like to focus it a little more and put the food elsewhere.

I’m still looking for friends who want to participate and write for the food blog. My only criteria at this moment is that if someone wants to participate they need to agree to write on a regular basis - whether it is weekly, every other week, whatever - I just don’t want to find myself trying to support yet another blog alone. Too often do friends have good intentions and then mysteriously disappear after committing… I have this site and LoO to support; the last thing I need is one more site to put on my shoulders. If anyone out there thinks they can be a contributor, let me know…

We also need a name for the blog. If you have any ideas, post them in the comments section below. When the site goes up, I’ll let you know!

LOVE THIS!

A couple of months ago I was searching around the internet for some ideas on a creative Christmas Eve service. What I didn’t want was the standard fare: Stale Christmas Carols with the usual candlelight, the same passages of scripture that are read every year and, after an uneventful hour, everyone goes home to something more interesting. What I wanted was something more creative that still had the presence of God at the center. Honestly, if I was asked to attend the same old Christmas Eve service that I’ve been to before, I would make an excuse so I wouldn’t have to attend. With this in mind, my art-degree pastor and I set out to come up with something interesting for our church.

When starting out with a newer church, there are a couple of things to keep in mind when providing these sorts of extra services. First, you will almost always have (dramatically) less attendance on anything that is NOT a Sunday morning service. Don’t panic. This is quite normal for a newer church. You should never, ever take this to mean the following:

1. You screwed up and this is God’s way of telling you.
2. You suck and no one likes your church.
3. Your church will fail in the next year because you can’t keep a reasonable headcount.
4. All of the above.

There are a lot of reasons for the dramatic drop in attendance of what I consider to be “extra-curricular” services. Most of the time it’s simply chalked up to having other commitments and conflicts. This isn’t always the case, either.

In newer churches, there are a lot of other things happening. A couple of months ago I mentioned the foundation that is laid in a new church. The foundational period is absolutely critical. Not only is there a spiritual foundation being laid, but a communal one as well. Depressingly enough, it takes a while to develop a strong bond of community, as well as getting people interested and excited in what’s happening in the church. Often times people like hearing that their organization/church is active, but they are reluctant to have their lives inconvenienced by attending any of it. It takes a while to develop.

This is hard for pastors because they want so much to bring people together through fun events - it’s just how God made them. Pastors have a million things they want to do in the community and among the body, and it can be discouraging when so much time and effort is put into something for a small handful of people who show up.

If you are currently in this situation, don’t give up. It’s all just a part of the process of church planting and building. Remember to take joy in the small victories - the ones we see through God’s eyes. Okay, so you didn’t hit 100 church members this year like you aspired to. I’m sure God has done other things with the 30 strong you now have. Okay, maybe you can’t quit your job and become a full time pastor because your church isn’t great at tithing. Ask God to show you where His victories have been this past year.

So, while searching for ideas on a Christmas Eve service, I came across a blog called “Creative Leading.” Coincidentally enough, it’s written by some dude who is from Seattle, loves coffee, and is a worship leader out in the middle of nowhere in Illinois.

Ok, I really don’t know if he’s living in the middle of nowhere, but it’s Illinois so I have no real reason to believe otherwise. Either way, what are the odds that I’ve found another person with these things in common as myself? I decided to plug his blog into my Google Reader.

One big difference between our situations is that it appears he is paid to be the worship director at a large church. I am not. How it usually works is God tells me I have to go to some dinky start up church and slave away day after day, training future leaders for little to no reward, and I go. If I don’t go then I end up absolutely miserable wherever I am currently at. By now I know God well enough to know that I do not argue. If He says “you will go to the martial arts church” then that’s what I do: I go. I do no not pass GO, I do not collect $200. And so, this was how I ended up at my current church.

I remember being a worship leader in a larger church. Those were the days, dudes. It was inspirational. The groundwork was laid and people showed up for the extra services with bells on. Nightly services were the best ones to lead worship at because the people who show up for those are the ones who have come with an expectancy of God’s presence. It’s not like a Sunday morning service, which can be more of a mixed bag - more on this in a later worship volume.

Anyway, I read his blurb about his wonderfully awesome Christmas Eve service. Five hundred people showed up to what was probably a big production. The worship team (apparently he’s got enough people that he rotates worship team members six months on and six months off - my thoughts on this in a later worship volume) rehearsed for two and a half hours. That’s right, two and a half hours.

Yeah, I remember what that was like.

Sometimes we, as human beings, have a very goofy way of looking at Kingdom successes. There are very polished churches out there with huge productions and we look at that as if it’s what we should aspire to, often forgetting that God doesn’t always grow us into big churches. We’re obsessed with church growth — walk into your local Christian bookstore and take a look around. Entire sections are devoted to the “formula” it takes to grow a church. It’s tough being small. It can be depressing being small. Those in leadership feel ever so alone. We want to be bigger. We think success means lots of people and this isn’t always the case.

So in comparison to this worship dude at the bigger church: Do I think what God has me doing is any less relevant? No, not at all. I’m in the trenches with the best of ‘em, raising up the spiritual leaders of tomorrow. It isn’t easy raising up leaders, but I’ll tell you something — at the end of my life when I am called to account, I don’t want to be the one who refused to raise up the leaders God had given me to train. I’ve trained many people now, and everyone is a new ball of issues to tackle. Worship practices usually comprise of having to teach the basics of leading worship — and feeling a tremendous win when your guitarist turns to you and says, “I actually worshiped during that.” You can’t help but get all excited because people are actually starting to GET IT.

Remember, take joy in the little victories.

And now, without further ado, I wish to recap my first Christmas Eve leading worship at my current church. Please make sure you are not drinking anything, as you will probably shoot your drink out of your nose. I’ve already told a couple of my friends this story, so if you’ve already heard it, you can skip it. Unless you’re one of those who enjoys to revel in my misfortune, then by all means, continue.

I got sick on Christmas Eve day. That sucked because I really needed the entire day to get ready for the service. After I managed to throw up a couple of times (you’re welcome for the visual), I was feeling slightly better and was able to do a last minute scramble.

I had asked my guitarist and his wife (who was the previous worship leader) to play an instrumental duet of “O Holy Night” during communion. She plays a recorder, and I liked the idea of juxtaposing the raspy recorder with the picking of an electric guitar. I had given them a month to rehearse.

I had asked them to show up at 5:30 (the service started at 7:00) so we could run through the songs. When I get there, they were already there, practicing. It was a bit spotty, but I was very encouraging. I just hoped it would be “okay” and not “horrible.”

They also had their two year old son with them. Since 12:00 they had been out at the local Catholic church, because they also contribute to the music efforts there, and had been a part of their afternoon Christmas Eve service. So it’s now about 5:30 and they hadn’t been home yet, or eaten. This includes their two-year old.

Those of you with children can already see the train wreck this is heading for. I don’t have kids, but my spidey senses are tingling. Still, I rely on people to manage their children and I figure it will be fine.

After I let those two practice their duet for 45 minutes (wtf) I finally interrupt, apologize, and say I will need to end their rehearsal in 3 minutes. They are OK with that. My guitarist and I rip through the songs. The last two songs require fast chord changes, so I inform him that I will play those alone. If he would like to sing with me during the songs, it was optional - he had set up a mic for himself on his own volition.

Then his wife starts to play a hand drum. I tell her she’s more than welcome to stay and play it during the service if she wants, and she happily says she would love to.

I rush my pastor into the back of the building and we pray.

The service starts. The two-year old is hungry and tired and wants someone to play with him. As soon as the first prayer ends and I start the song, the kid JUMPS UP OUT OF HIS CHAIR, RUNS UP TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM WHERE WE’RE PLAYING, THROWS HIMSELF ON THE GROUND AND STARTS SCREAMING.

So you hear: “Come, now is the time to worsh — WAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

I’m sick, exhausted, we have another church in the building, and a two year old is screaming on the floor in front of me.

The song is completed and I switch gears into “The Heart of Worship” ala whining, crying and occasional screaming. Funnily enough, the Spirit of God showed up for this, so I was most grateful.

After the first two worship songs, we go to communion. This is when the instrumental duet of “O Holy Night” is supposed to take place. The two parents are looking at me, pleadingly.

Ok. I stand up from the keyboard, feeling all eyes on me. I walk around to the front and offer my hand to the kid. Immediately he stops, stands up and takes my hand. He was like the perfect little gentleman. I take him over to the Sunday School room, which happens to be the first room off of the main room. I hand him Mr. Potato Head. He takes it, plops down on the floor happily, and starts to play. I sit down with him. He hands me arms, legs, two choices of feet, a nose…

Then I hear a bit of the instrumental duet happening outside.

I have no idea what happened out there with the duet because I turned my back on this 2-year old for one second. While my back was turned, he had found some noisy toy that started playing some crazy loud song, and I had to lay on top of it in order to muffle the noise. This is no exaggeration.

As soon as the communion is over, I have to run back outside to the service. I open the door, tell the boy that his mom is coming into the room and I motion her to get her butt in the room. She nods back at me in what I thought was understanding. Apparently not because she went into the room, brings her kid out, and sits him back down at the front of the room, expecting that for some reason he will suddenly decide to be quiet.

He isn’t.

I start to lead “Gloria, In Excelsis Deo.” Again, the kid runs to the front of the room, flings himself down on the floor and starts screaming. After that carol, my guitarist gives me a sympathetic look. I nod back and excuse him from the rest of the service. He takes his wife and screaming kid out of there and I did the rest of the service on my own.

I was fine with that.

Tom and I stayed late to help clean up the church with my pastor, then I went home, made Tom a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup, did the dishes, and then passed out on the couch while he watched Food Network.

This service goes in my Hall of Fame as one of the Top 10 Funkiest Church Services ever.

Now that my boss is the newly crowned CIO, he is always trying to find ways to improve morale. It’s not a surprising move - IT has repeatedly had the lowest employee satisfaction scores in the company, and in the past few months the scores have dropped even lower. In my boss’ defense, it isn’t his his fault and is something that can be fixed.

So my boss decided he wanted holiday cookies in every division today. Earlier this week I called around and made sure I could get them everywhere. For my office, and our satellite building about 10 minutes away, I purchased about $100 worth of cookies at my local Wegmans.

Wegmans has their own in-house bakery and they make great stuff. I gave a couple of containers to our satellite office (they will probably only have about 15 people in there today) and the rest went to my building. It was a pretty nice spread, and I hoped to have, you know, 1 - 2 cookies per person.

Then I sent out the notice from my boss’ email saying the holiday cookies are out in the break room, enjoy and have a happy holiday. Or whatever I said.

No sooner had I sent the email that I look up from my monitor and the droves are returning from the break room and, not with one or two cookies as I had estimated, but platefuls of cookies. I don’t think there will be enough for everyone. If anyone ends up not being able to get any cookies, I’m going to direct them to the greedy jerks who took off with small mountains of them.

If this wasn’t already up to $152, I would buy this — but I’m not saying who I would inflict this upon.

eBay: Drive Someone Insane with Postcards

In case you can’t click the link, here is what the item description says:

You are bidding on a rare chance to traumatize a treasured friend or relative with baffling, mind-numbing, mystery correspondence from abroad. Here is the arrangement:

I will be spending the Christmas holiday in Poland in a tiny village that has one church with no bell because angry Germans stole it. Aside from vodka, there is not a lot for me to do.

During the course of my holiday I will send three postcards to one person of your choosing. These postcards will be rant-ravingly insane, yet they will be peppered with unmistakable personal details about the addressee. Details you will provide me. The postcards will not be coherently signed, leaving your mark confused, guessing wildly, crying out in anguish.

“How do I know this person? And how does he know I had a ferret named Goliath?”

Your beloved friend or relative will try in vain to figure out who it is. Best of all, it can’t possibly be you because you’ll have the perfect alibi: you’re not in Poland. You’re home, wherever that is, doing whatever it is you do when not driving your friends loopy with international prankery. Your target will rack their brains in the shower. At dinner. During long drives. At work. On the golf course.

“Who did I tell about the time I got fired by a note on my chair?” they’ll ponder, “And where the hell is Szczeczinek?”

But wait, there’s more.

To add to the sheer confusion and genuine discomfort, one missive will be on an original promotional postcard announcing the 1995 television premiere of Central Park West on CBS. Another will be a postcard celebrating Atlanta’s disastrous hosting of the 1996 summer Olympic games. Your mark will be at a complete loss, desperate for answers, debating contacting people he or she hasn’t talked to in years.

“I know this will sound weird,” they’ll say, “but by any chance were you in Eastern Europe ranting about cantaloupe… twelve years ago… right before some show with Mariel Hemingway debuted?”

When you decide to end the torment is completely up to you. If you can, I recommend owning up on 1 April 2008 - giving you nearly half a year of joy and a George Clooney-esque level of prankage. If you can’t hold it in that long, I totally understand.

My honey-do lists for Tom are usually computer-related, and last night I asked him to make a couple of changes to the ol’ blog. As you may have noticed (or not, if you’re viewing this in a Google Reader type program), the menu on the right side has changed. The list of archives by month has been replaced by a single link that takes you to a new page. There, you will find the list of archives by month and you can search. There’s also a search bar up at the top, and to be honest, I don’t know if it’s new or not. Since this is the first time I’ve noticed it, let’s say it is new. Also, I have a hard time noticing if there are comments to my posts, so Tom has added a section for recent comments. So from now on, if you post a comment, I will see it and be able to respond.

Thanks, Honey!

Every year I send out boxes of Christmas cookies to my friends. Well, I did skip a year just recently, but I’m back in full swing. The last group I sent out was extremely disappointing; a group of fruity recipes I had never tried before became the theme of my Christmas delicacies. Most of them did not travel well or even come remotely near to what I had been expecting. They were fruity and flimsy and fun and, before they left my kitchen they were even kind of pretty, but they weren’t at all the sexy cookies I am used to.

This year, I went back to my roots and made a mess in my kitchen that would have had my mother praying to Jesus. I’m feeling a little more confident in what I’m sending out, although it’s hard to be completely assured that what you’re sending will make everyone happy. Also, I’m excited that I’ve been able to add good friends Jeff and Caroline to my list, even though I have no clue what kind of sweet treats they enjoy.

So I went with half cookies, half chocolate confections. Right now I have a batch of raspberry shortbread dough chilling in the freezer, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to fit them into the packages. It was my one and only fruity cookie, but I don’t think it will make it. Another time, perhaps. Here’s what we ended up with for this year:

Butterscotch Blondies
Peanut Butter cookies with Hershey’s Kisses
Orange Chocolate-Chip Biscotti
Chocolate Mint Candy (Fudge)
Chocolate-Cranberry Truffles
Fantasy Fudge
Chocolate Earl Grey Truffles

Have a very, merry Christmas, and enjoy!