Yes, that’s really what St. Thomas looks like. We took that photo with our camera. The trip was amazing. I had no idea how wrapped around the axle I was about life in general until I got out on the beach. We arrived at the airport in St. Thomas, it took us a couple of hours to get to our hotel (there’s no sense of urgency out there), we ate, then hit the beach. I had a stack of books to keep me company though and, for the record, I did get out into the water a lot and even got sort of a tan. Not much, though. You know me: Fear of the sun. I marinated in sunscreen.

YES THAT IS ME WITH A TAN AND TOM WITH A SUNBURN! I DID GET SOME COLOR ON MY SKIN! STOP LAUGHING!

Since I returned from St. Thomas, I haven’t had the desire to do much of anything. School kicked into high gear the week after we got back and I was flung back into my overwhelming list of priorities, to-do’s and other obligations. Although I was excited and motivated to do these things previously, when I came back from vacation, nothing made me happy. I backed off of almost everything on my plate and the things I didn’t back off of were just ignored completely. It took me a while to figure out my problem, but I finally did.

I have time to do lots of little things half-assed, and zero time to do them all in the way I want them done. Everything I do feels like it’s only as half as good as it could be, because I don’t really have enough time to invest myself fully in everything. When I get an inspired moment and I want to try something new, I sort of throw myself out there, feeling around as I go, but with no real focus. It’s fun for a while, but I start a million new projects and then can’t finish any of them.

And now I’m living with the mess, unsure of what I should finish first.

I’m going to take a semester off from school. Next semester. I emailed the head of the Interior Design program about it. Though I can feel his reluctance in the email, I think it’s just something I have to do for now. But I’m not going to give up - there’s a lot of my house that I started and haven’t finished yet. For example, the kitchen. The first month we lived in the house I started ripping up the wallpaper and started painting cabinets. It’s been sitting like that for two years. Ugly. Depressing. I couldn’t stand to spend time in there - impacting my cooking and baking hobbies. I like cooking and baking, but I can’t stand to be in the kitchen. Result: No cooking or baking. Ripple effect: I haven’t posted on AwK in a long time.

On Friday, I took a half day off from work and used it to work in the kitchen. The walls are mostly painted, one side of the cabinets are sanded and primed and given one coat of paint. They need one more coat of paint and the doors are going back on.

For the record, my kitchen walls are a neutral brown/khaki color with white cabinets, black hardware and appliances, and small touches of earthy green (teapot, etc.) and it looks awesome.

One section of a wall needs to be finished in the Cliff Rock color, and I need to sand, primer and paint one side of the cabinets, but it looks so great with some color in there. I’m excited at the progress and it’s actually motivating me with other ideas on how to finish the rest of the house - but I won’t act on them until the kitchen is finished. Unfortunately I have too much going on over the next three weekends and won’t be able to get back to the kitchen until December, but I’m looking forward to having it finished before the end of the year.

Though I haven’t been blogging, I’ve been writing. While out on the beach of St. Thomas (no, I won’t horrify anyone with bathing suit photographs) I started reading some mystery books that helped me to look at story creation in a new way. I also picked up a copy of “Plot and Structure Techniques And Exercises For Crafting A Plot That Grips Readers From Start To Finish” and it was really helpful. Through the summer I had been kicking around a story idea in my head, and after I got back from vacation, I had it. About a month ago I sat down to write it, and I’m already on chapter 6. This is the fastest work I’ve done to date and different than anything I’ve done yet, and I’m very excited about it. It’s first person and takes place in Rochester, NY.

More about that later.

Church worship has its ups and downs. Since we last talked I have a totally new team, and a woman who is leading worship once a month. Though she is going through the learning process, she’s getting better every time, and that makes it worth it. She is up again to lead this coming Sunday. Starting next year I would like her to alternate leading every other Sunday, that way I can start focusing more on planning and developing other people. Eventually I would like this to mean that I get at least one weekend off every month, but with Tom doing sound every week, I’m not sure what will happen. I’d like to get another sound volunteer so he can take break, too.

That’s it for now. I’ll be back with more, later. I promise.

So, Tom and I have never really been anywhere cool together. Last year we went to Ocean City in Maryland and, though it was nice to get away and lay on the beach, it didn’t quite live up to the hype.

Don’t get me wrong - we had a great time and loved escaping to a sunny beach, just the two of us. But the area is getting older and run down, and we can’t live off of fried or fast food because it makes us sick. Sorry, Bahama Mama. I hear you have the best take-out crabs in town, but we could only stomach so much.

Honestly, in order to keep ourselves from getting sick, we typically handled lunch, snacks, and some breakfasts on our own by picking up some things at a local grocery store, and preparing them in the kitchenette of our hotel. It was also a little cheaper, but mainly it was healthier. I can’t eat like I did in my twenties.

This year, we really wanted something special and memorable. Since we never really had a honeymoon, Tom wanted to make up for it and do something memorable. Originally we checked into cruises, but with the hassle of passports we decided hey, let’s just head to St. Thomas for a week!

And that’s what we’re doing. The resorts out there have nifty all-inclusive packages that include gift cards for additional activities and shopping. I’m looking forward to this as it’s been a tremendously draining year for me, and school starts again in less than four weeks. As it is, I’m ignoring some of my responsibilities and some of the things I was supposed to take care of for church are not done. I feel horrible for not having done much with them, because people are counting on me to get them done. But I just can’t. My battery needs recharging.

According to the resort’s website, activities like snorkeling are free! For some reason I’m all hot about snorkeling. When I went to Hawaii with my family a few years ago, I had the best time snorkeling with my brother and my dad. Yeah, I’m a nerd. I love aquariums, too. So when Tom asked what I wanted to do on a vacation, the only thing I could think of was snorkeling. Oh, and of course, I want to read a bunch of books. You know me - sitting on an exotic beach, smothered in a metric ton of sunblock under a hat, an umbrella with a stack of books. I’m a party animal.

The only concern I’m having at this point is finding someone to take care of Maggie-Toes.

Okay, maybe Jonah, too. We keep trying to get him to run away, but so far, no dice. Hey, do you guys know of anyone who wants a fat and irregularly-stupid cat? If so, call me.

We’re thinking about getting an automatic feeder and automatic waterer (not a word, but you get the idea). But then we would need someone to come over in the evenings to check on them, scoop cat poop and get our mail. I was going to hit up some people at church to see if their kids wouldn’t mind doing it for a few bucks. It’s a good summer job for responsible kids who aren’t old enough to babysit.

We’ll see. Everything else is pretty much worked out - even church worship, which is a huge relief. The only thing left to do on my end is pick out that big stack of books I’ll be bringing…

I want to say that my 1999 Volkswagen Jetta is the first brand new car I ever purchased, but that isn’t the case. I bought a brand new ‘98 Jetta, and someone totaled it after I had only owned it for two months. A moron at USAA kept losing all of my paperwork to get the car replaced, and I finally just got mad and made them send me a check. I used my even older Jetta for a little while - my very first car - an ‘87 Jetta in the typical Williams family brown. Strangely, all of our cars back then were brown, and we weren’t sure why. We figured Dad just had really good luck with brown cars or something. Eventually I decided to go for a ‘99 Jetta - the first year that they had come out with the new body style. It was a very basic car, and I didn’t negotiate on the price at all… in fact, somehow they managed to tack on even more money, and I never even noticed. I paid way too much money for that car.

The most memorable experience in the Jetta was when my friend, Liz, and I drove it to Montana for a week long vacation at Glacier National Park. I had only owned the car for three months and I was ready to make use of it. While we were there, Liz was sitting in the passenger seat and accidentally spilled her latte all on the upholstery. I was a little irritated, but then the very next day, the roles reversed - Liz was driving, and I spilled my latte all over the same passenger seat. I could never quite get the latte out of the car seat, so the stain pretty much remained for the next ten years. Aside from that, it was a great trip. We even met a young man who we shared a meal with and, because we’re weird, we talked to him about Jesus. It seemed that he had some problems in his past church experience, and wanted nothing to do with religion anymore. We kindly reminded him that it’s typical for people to screw up because we’re human and we do things that hurt others, even for the sake of Jesus. But we shouldn’t penalize God or the relationship He wants to have with us because people are hurtful. Everyone has had a bad experience in the church, I don’t care who you are. Anyone who has been in the church at least a little bit has a story that really sucks. I don’t know why it happens, or why it hurts more when it happens in a church setting. I have theories, but it would take too long to get into them. The important thing is not to neglect our relationship with God because of whatever happened.

I don’t know whatever happened to that young man, but I still think of him at times and hope that he is OK.

Since then, the Jetta has driven all over, even across the country, and it’s lived a good life. Tom and I chose a new 2009 Toyota Corolla, dark gray, with moonroof. We picked it up last night and I gave them the key to my Jetta. As we drove away in the new car, I couldn’t help but notice that they had already taken my Jetta away, and I remembered all of the good times I had in that car.

I got over it as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot. Did I mention my new car has a moonroof? LOL

The older I get, the more I find that the saying is true: It’s the little things in life that bring the most happiness. I love the new AwK site that a group of friends and I have been contributing to. When I find that I’m in a blah mood or feeling unhappy about the stress of my life, I turn to AwK. Writing a short blip about some stupid thing I cooked somehow brings me an enormous amount of happiness. Not only do I get to write, but I get to write about something that I really enjoy: Food.

A couple of weeks ago I reviewed a recipe that I dug up in an old Bon Appetit magazine, called Sweet & Sour Tangerine Chicken Stir Fry. I made it again last night and was so thrilled with the results. The recipe is a two-serving dish and, for minimal effort, anyone can put a nutritious meal on the table. I even made a little extra tangerine sauce and drowned my rice in it. It was so good that I can’t stop thinking about it.

Now that I have declared “State of Awesomeness,” something is bound to go wrong. At the moment however, things are pretty good.

After I posted about how I was doing badly, my phone started ringing as friends rallied to give me pep talks and I even got an offer to help with the kitchen face lift. When I logged into WoW, I got more pep talks. It’s good to be loved, and I appreciate my friends more than ever for the support I received. It really did help. The new school semester is really what sent me over the edge as there is so much less time and energy to do all of the things that I absolutely have to get done. And just the thought of the time it takes to get all these things done is overwhelming.

As much as it kills me to say it, I thrive in a loosely scheduled environment. I’ve lived with no schedule at all and my life sort of fell apart because I was so overwhelmed with the things that needed to be done that I ended up accomplishing absolutely nothing. I was too daunted by the supposed list of things that I didn’t know where to start and, if I did, I didn’t think it would ever get finished up. Getting myself back into a basic routine has always been my sort of salvation, something Tom will never really understand, but if I don’t try to stay on top of at least half of this stuff, I fly apart at the seams. So, I’m back in a schedule, at least until the end of the semester.

As the second semester of Interior Design 121 (Basic Architectural Drafting) is really kicking in, I’m starting to enjoy it. We’re drawing rooms in two-point perspective, being allowed to pick out our own furniture and accessories, and do the rooms the way we envision. I’m really excited with the way everything is turning out so far.

The house face-lift is coming along. Everything in the downstairs bathroom is pretty much finished, except for some touch up paint on my fierce blue accent wall, some of the paint needs to be scrubbed off around the edge, and I need to have a mirror put up. The kitchen is coming, and probably won’t be done in time for my mom to get here, but it’s looking good. And, last but certainly not least, I put a good coat of primer over the walls of the master bedroom, finally hiding that lovely shade of urine that coated the walls. Seriously, I don’t know what the previous owner was thinking. Even with just the primer it looks so much better, but I doubt I’ll be able to get to the actual painting until after Mom’s gone. The kitchen is more important.

Writing… Now that I have the guild website, my personal blog and the new food blog (totally loving AwK, by the way), my other projects have sort of taken a back seat. This has been bumming me out. I’ve been trying to write my “novel” type stuff at work but to no avail. This, too, has been put into a schedule. My blogs get written at work, and the story I was writing for my friends gets worked on at home. I’ve started making an effort to give myself 1 hour of writing time at night. This is the primary reason for the bedroom face lift: A serene feeling has been given to the bedroom, and I have moved all bookshelves in there for a laid back reading zone. It’s perfect. I make tea, grab the laptop, leave the door open a crack so the cats can join me, and I write. My only concern at this point is that the chapters I put out are few and far between. Because of this, I have reinstated my original goal of having two chapters done at a time. Chapters 10 and 11 have both been started, and I am excited about both. I’m trying not to rush myself to put them out, because I want to get into a routine. Maybe I’ll cut back and say that I’ll put out one chapter a month and when school is out I can focus on it more. Who knows. At least I’m still enjoying the whole process of writing.

The book that I had originally started - the one that inspired me to start this crazy process of becoming a better fictional writer - has taken a backseat. I haven’t touched it in about six months. I’m sad about that, and I think about the story every day. Every day it grows in my head. Every day in my head, the characters live. But I have to choose, and the other things that are dominating my life take priority.

There’s more good stuff happening, but this post is long enough.

Well, I finally did it. This past Saturday I did my first recording session at my friend Andy’s house. The night before, I learned the song he wanted me to sing, called “Leave,” a quaint pop song that an old bandmate wrote days before that band broke up.

First things first about Andy: Forget modern technology and computers - he’s not a computer guy. He’s got all kinds of crazy equipment that we would lovingly call “vintage” - including reel-to-reel. Here, in his upstairs second bedroom, he’s at home in the wall-to-wall cacophony of instruments and strange mechanisms that make an album. In his mind, if some of the best albums of all time could be recorded with this stuff, then he can use it, too. When I first walked into the room, I got the feeling that he was a little afraid I’d be taken aback by the old stuff in there, but when I explained that my dad’s a fanatic about keeping all his old stereo equipment (including a Teac reel-to-reel), he looked relieved. So I felt quite at home and, while Andy was tinkering around with the equipment, they handed me some interior design magazines to keep myself occupied.

In the back corner of the room, the small clothing closet was turned into a recording booth - nothing you can stand in, but there’s some sort of insulation covering all walls and a carpet on the floor. The door had been removed so I was able to stand in the doorway, in front of the microphone.

Then we recorded. I didn’t really know what to expect. Professional singers have been known to say how much they love hearing their voice played back to them, so I wondered if I would have a similar experience.

I didn’t! LOL

It’s been a long time since anyone’s recorded my voice in this way - around 15 years. In that time, my voice has changed quite a bit and the only recent (in the past 6 years) recordings that I’ve had were live with three-hundred or more people singing along with you, so it’s not the same. He played my voice back to me — and I immediately begged him to turn it off. I couldn’t even get through the first verse, I was so embarrassed by the sound of my voice. I looked at him, horrified and said, “Is that what I really sound like?” I realize this is repetitive to keep saying it, but the sound really was horrific to me. Of course he thought I was crazy, but no matter how many times I listen to my voice being played back, I cringe. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

The first recording was also a bad recording, because I just sang it straight instead of owning it. So we scrapped it and I gave him a few more recordings of the song. All through the process he seemed really thrilled with what I was giving him, and that makes me happy because my fear was that I would go in and do this song injustice - the point was to give him something he’d be happy with, regardless of what I thought of it. So, at the end of the day, even though I didn’t like the sound of my voice (still don’t) he was very happy. I got there around 10:00 and we wrapped up around 2:00. Overall, I have to say it was a lot of fun and, if asked, I’d do it again.

And before you ask, no I’m not sharing the recording with you because my voice is horrifying! LOL

I’m burning the candle at both ends and some in the middle. School has only been back in session for two weeks and I’m already struggling. Working until 6:00 at night is starting to get the best of me, as well as a gaming schedule that I haven’t tapered back on — which leaves all of my other extra-curricular activities vying for any spare minutes I can possibly give them. The kitchen face-lift has to be done before my parents fly out in April, and I only have a few hours on Saturdays to do it — and that’s going to change since a friend wants me to start recording my vocals to his songs, and that will take place on Saturdays, as it’s my only free day. Needless to say, there’s no way I can get the kitchen done without paying someone to come in and help me, but I think that’s out of the question. Writing has completely fallen off my radar. I don’t even pretend that I’m going to get time to write anymore. To make myself feel better about not writing, I tell myself that I don’t like it and that I suck at it. It’s working (sort of). My pumpkin-time, which is the hard stop that I reach every night and head up to bed, was formerly 10:00 pm. Now it is “whenever.”

I can always tell when I am reaching the point of exhaustion, because I say the opposite of everything I am thinking, and this is been becoming more and more frequent. “Widen” becomes “narrow” and “hard” becomes “soft” and “north” becomes “south” — you get the picture. Tom has been correcting me a lot these past few days. “Did you mean to say (insert word here), honey?” He will ask. Now I am to the point where I can no longer speak my thoughts coherently, and it’s getting worse. Late last week, while I was emailing someone, I realized I had started doing it in my typing. I’m no longer coherent.

I’m crashing and burning. I can feel it. It’s in the headache I’ve had every morning for the past week. Not sure what I am going to do. The obvious answer is to start cutting back or completely cut things off of my schedule, but I’m pretty passionate about everything that is on my plate, even the gaming. I want to keep the gaming on my schedule because I have worked so hard for this guild and making sure there are events and people are happy. But then, a close friend of mine said to me a few weeks ago that Ed would be the perfect guild leader. I asked, “Is there something wrong with the way I have been doing things?” He said no, because we absolutely need someone to schedule things, but Ed would just be perfect…”

So I’m the guild secretary. How quaint. Now that I have this hurtful comment to deal with, I think I should just cancel my WoW subscription until school is over in June. I don’t know, maybe I’m just feeling unappreciated again.

I’ll get back to you. For now, I’m drowning and there’s no rescue in sight.

My honey-do lists for Tom are usually computer-related, and last night I asked him to make a couple of changes to the ol’ blog. As you may have noticed (or not, if you’re viewing this in a Google Reader type program), the menu on the right side has changed. The list of archives by month has been replaced by a single link that takes you to a new page. There, you will find the list of archives by month and you can search. There’s also a search bar up at the top, and to be honest, I don’t know if it’s new or not. Since this is the first time I’ve noticed it, let’s say it is new. Also, I have a hard time noticing if there are comments to my posts, so Tom has added a section for recent comments. So from now on, if you post a comment, I will see it and be able to respond.

Thanks, Honey!

The first snowstorm hit. We didn’t capture shots of what the back porch looks like (about three feet deep in snow) but we caught a bit of the front before the storm kicked in. If you add another two feet to what you see, it’s pretty accurate to what is going on out there right now.

And yes, our house is mint green. Like the ice cream. And do you notice the ginormous rock in the front of the house? That was the deal maker for Tom.

And, of course, the Christmas tree that Tom and I had allegedly agreed we wouldn’t buy, but I did anyway:

I love my house.

As I’ve said previously, I love to write. Unfortunately, I struggle with the idea of a blog. Blogs are cool. They’re in. They’re hip. These days, everyone’s out on the “blogosphere” (sorry honey, I know you hate that word) giving the world their two cents. I love this blog, but I often have a hard time writing on it because I can’t help but get the feeling that there’s a lot of flatulence involved in blogging and I don’t presume that everyone is so enamored with everything that I say, or that I even have anything interesting to say. This thought alone is demotivating, and I stop writing altogether. It’s mostly the fear of feeling overly pretentious when I write what I like, think about, care about, or presume to know. Are the blogs of strangers even remotely interesting? Do we pick up those blogs and think we’ve read something interesting? I have no idea. Why does anyone read this blog? Why do I read anyone else’s blog? Is it because I care about the person and want to know what they’re doing, or am I combing for something that holds a deeper meaning?

Philsophies of blogging emerge in my head, but I dare not bring them up at dinner time or Tom won’t stop talking about logic and existentialism…