It’s hard to talk about something mid-stream, that is, when you’re going through something and you know it’s not over yet. Here’s the abbreviated version:
I’ve stepped down as worship leader. My pastor begrudgingly accepted my resignation and I’m committed to working with the church over the next month to find a replacement. Overall, the worship is in a better state today than it was when I started on it a little over two years ago. I had the know-how, the anointing, and my musicianship was decent enough that I was able to pull it back from the brink. But my heart has never fully been in worship, so this area has always suffered, regardless of what church I’ve been in. For this very reason I am not a good worship leader — when your heart isn’t in something, it shows regardless of how hard you try to hide it. No matter how hard I’ve tried to cope with my role as worship leader, I’ve always felt like a square peg being put into a round hole. Somehow it just wasn’t fully me and I knew it.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I have recently been released from the worship ministry. Since then, worship has actually been really good! How’s that for irony? I’ve been having fun during worship and my creativity has gone through the roof. I even kicked off our Monthly Worship Night (this past Wednesday) with a song I wrote – a maneuver from me that was previously completely unheard of because I don’t like sharing anything I write. I even feel good about it! Again, very unheard of. I feel released and at peace about closing this chapter in my life. What’s scary now is that I don’t know what’s next. Just because I’ve been obedient in allowing one door to close, doesn’t mean another one is necessarily going to open up for me. We’ll see. It ain’t over.