Look upon the faces of annoyance, personified:

I was driving to work a couple of weeks ago when this song came on the radio. I couldn’t turn the channel fast enough – I was blindsided by the most horrible song ever to be released in the last decade. That whole “ah la la la, ah la la la” makes me want to club them both like baby seals. This song is so bad I almost drove into the median. It’s no wonder criminals were shipped off to Australia — today, their offspring are still creating crimes against humanity. What is freaking wrong with people that they’re actually playing this on the air? Who actually finds this enjoyable? I want to kill myself every time I hear it.

At first I thought I could actually tolerate the song, but no. Remember the movie “Zoolander”? Every time they played “Relax”, Zoolander would snap and try to kill people. That’s how I feel every time we get to the “ah, la la la, ah, la, la la” part of this song — I just want to go all Zoolander.

Last night I finally synced my iPod up to my computer and even bought a couple of new things to go on it. In the morning, I grabbed my iPod and took a look at the list — I don’t know why, but I ended up with a couple of things on there that I know I hadn’t selected. Now, David Byrne and Bryan Eno’s “Strange Overtones” I won’t complain about, though I’m positive I didn’t select it. I thought maybe Tom did for his iPhone and it somehow ended up on mine? That didn’t sound like something he’d be interested in listening to, but what do I know?

Then I got to this listing:

Okaaaaaay, pretty sure Tom wasn’t interested in this one. I gave a listen anyway. A few verses in, I had a legitimate “WTF” moment.

Here are the lyrics, in case you didn’t catch the song.

Momma’s Boy

She says I remind her of her father and I know she likes it
She wants a man that’s got his game locked tight
I think she reminds me of my mother and she knows I like it
I want a woman with the same brown eyes

And girl you got it, so bad
When the only boy you know is your dad
And boy you got it, so wrong
When you look into her eyes and all you really see is your mom

Cuz you’re a Momma’s boy, Momma’s boy
(instrumental)

She tried to take me to the movies, but I couldn’t enjoy it
I didn’t even let her sneak a touch
She asked me whats the problem, maybe we can talk about it
You’re thinking about your mother way to much

And you got it, so bad
When the only boy you know is your dad
And boy you got it, so wrong
When you look into her eyes and all you really see is your mom

Woooaah

Cuz you’re a Momma’s boy, Momma’s boy, Momma’s boy, Momma’s boy, you’re a Momma’s boy, Momma’s boy

Yaaaaaah

I DO NOT KNOW HOW THIS GOT ONTO MY iPOD BUT I WANT IT OFF!!!

I just read this on CNN.com, and it was almost as if I was reading a page from my own diary.

My Biological Clock is Broken