I’m burning the candle at both ends and some in the middle. School has only been back in session for two weeks and I’m already struggling. Working until 6:00 at night is starting to get the best of me, as well as a gaming schedule that I haven’t tapered back on — which leaves all of my other extra-curricular activities vying for any spare minutes I can possibly give them. The kitchen face-lift has to be done before my parents fly out in April, and I only have a few hours on Saturdays to do it — and that’s going to change since a friend wants me to start recording my vocals to his songs, and that will take place on Saturdays, as it’s my only free day. Needless to say, there’s no way I can get the kitchen done without paying someone to come in and help me, but I think that’s out of the question. Writing has completely fallen off my radar. I don’t even pretend that I’m going to get time to write anymore. To make myself feel better about not writing, I tell myself that I don’t like it and that I suck at it. It’s working (sort of). My pumpkin-time, which is the hard stop that I reach every night and head up to bed, was formerly 10:00 pm. Now it is “whenever.”

I can always tell when I am reaching the point of exhaustion, because I say the opposite of everything I am thinking, and this is been becoming more and more frequent. “Widen” becomes “narrow” and “hard” becomes “soft” and “north” becomes “south” — you get the picture. Tom has been correcting me a lot these past few days. “Did you mean to say (insert word here), honey?” He will ask. Now I am to the point where I can no longer speak my thoughts coherently, and it’s getting worse. Late last week, while I was emailing someone, I realized I had started doing it in my typing. I’m no longer coherent.

I’m crashing and burning. I can feel it. It’s in the headache I’ve had every morning for the past week. Not sure what I am going to do. The obvious answer is to start cutting back or completely cut things off of my schedule, but I’m pretty passionate about everything that is on my plate, even the gaming. I want to keep the gaming on my schedule because I have worked so hard for this guild and making sure there are events and people are happy. But then, a close friend of mine said to me a few weeks ago that Ed would be the perfect guild leader. I asked, “Is there something wrong with the way I have been doing things?” He said no, because we absolutely need someone to schedule things, but Ed would just be perfect…”

So I’m the guild secretary. How quaint. Now that I have this hurtful comment to deal with, I think I should just cancel my WoW subscription until school is over in June. I don’t know, maybe I’m just feeling unappreciated again.

I’ll get back to you. For now, I’m drowning and there’s no rescue in sight.