I’m just venting now.

I have been working hard on chapter 7 of the LoO story and I was all pumped up to remain one chapter ahead. This intent has quickly fallen apart due to the fact that chapter seven is the most important chapter of the entire story and thus, has ended up taking a lot of time to write. Stupid chapter. I hate you.

For a hoot, I checked my blog’s statistics on Google to see how many hits I was getting (ha!) and what people were interested in reading the most. To my surprise, the “worship” category was getting a lot of action. I’m not sure why this is because I really can’t interpret the stats all that well, but I am sure that a lot of it has to do with my mom giving my blog address out. Then I went to the stats for the site Tom and I keep for our World of Warcraft guild, and I saw that it had received more than 35 hits from my blog.

…

I pray to God my mom’s friends weren’t reading it. To anyone I may have inadvertently offended by what you may have seen there, I apologize.

But I digress.

I was really surprised to see so many hits to the “worship” category and, as I had been toying around with the idea of doing an ongoing series, thought I might elaborate on the subject. Three reasons make me reluctant about posting on the subject.

#1. Privacy. My spiritual life isn’t something that I so readily share with the internet community, so my online friends haven’t really seen this side of me. There’s always that fear of being branded a crazy fanatic, but this is who I am - I can’t hide it or lie about it. Not that I’m intentionally pretending that it’s not a part of me, it’s just the moment you start talking about how God was speaking to you, you’re immediately branded a crazy person.

#2. Reinventing the wheel: It’s something I obviously won’t be doing. Worship has been around for a long time, and not just worship itself, but good, corporate worship. (In case you’re wondering, there’s a difference, and a lot of people are confused about what good worship is. The church, in general, takes it for granted when “God shows up” or when they “got what they needed” and they don’t realize all that a worship leader has to do or sacrifice in order to help facilitate that. There are nuts and bolts that a lot of worship team members aren’t told and have to learn by making mistakes — publicly. When it’s discovered that we can sort of sing and barely play an instrument, we’re handed a microphone and given some stupid analogy of Maria Von Trapp climbing a mountain and they expect that to explain everything. If you are a worship leader and you have received the Maria Von Trapp analogy, do not be discouraged — it simply means your pastor has no idea what to do, either.) At any rate, I’ve been to many worship seminars and conferences, and over the years I’ve just stopped going. Why? Because I keep getting the Maria Von Trapp analogy and no one can tell me how to avoid burn out, how to mentor new worship leaders/team members, or even some basics like how to select songs for your church. Like everyone else, I was on my own to figure it out.

#3. Skill. Just because I’m posting about this subject doesn’t mean I am the best worship leader ever, that I have all of the answers, can solve any church’s worship problems, and am the most skilled musician ever. I am not the best worship leader ever, I don’t have all the answers, because the Lord has a mind of his own I really can’t do much except sit at the piano and watch him do whatever he feels like, and I have pretty much resolved that I will never, ever play a perfect worship set. Remember: if it isn’t sloppy, it’s probably wrong. On the other hand, I’ve been leading worship now for many, many years, have mentored many worship team members and leaders, and am now at my second church plant. If anything, I can at least recommend what not to do.

Let’s start at the beginning.

As I said a moment ago, I am now at my second Vineyard church plant. What does that mean? In short: It’s a handful of people from various backgrounds gathered together in a small space, feeling incredibly awkward and unsure about the future of their little congregation. You can think of it like an extremely fragile home group/Bible study. Spiritually, it is the same concept as that day you bring your newborn baby home. Hold it carefully. Support the head, keep it warm, feed it, love it, nurture it, and, for the love of God, don’t drop it.

The major difference between a home group and a church plant is that, with a church plant, a substantial spiritual foundation must be laid first, whereas with a home group/Bible study, the substantial foundation will already be there from the church it is connected to. Now, a home group will still need a foundation to be laid in that smaller community for whatever God wants to do in it, but it won’t be as critical. I don’t mean that the home group foundation isn’t important, because it is. It’s just a lot more flexible because home groups are generally pliable, and more temporary than the overall church itself. At least, this is my experience.

Whatever is laid as the church plant’s foundation — everything that church does now and in the future will be launched off of it, will be based off of it, will rest upon it. As leaders of a church plant we have a tremendous responsibility, not just to the current members, but to those who will come after us in the life of that church, one, two, three, five, ten, fifteen, or however many years down the road. What is built on that foundation now will have lasting effects.

Okay, enough of the spiritual jargon. Everyone’s heard the bit about laying a foundation, but it’s rare when someone tells you how to actually lay one. What does this mean practically?

Everything that God does at your church is going to be different than what God is doing at another church. Even if you are right next door to another church, it’s going to be different. If it wasn’t different, then it really wouldn’t matter what church we went to, now would it? Keeping this in mind, when a new church is born (planted), God must establish what he is doing there. It’s going to be new, it’s going to be different, and whatever everyone thinks church should look like goes out the window. I can’t stress this enough.

The same goes with worship. It doesn’t matter if you have 20 people in the same room who have strong backgrounds of worship, God is going to need to establish what he is doing with your corporate worship. Some churches are wild while, on the opposite end, some are quiet and intimate. Most are fixed somewhere along the spectrum. In the initial stage it is, quite literally, a blank slate. Forget what you think you know about worship. Forget what the rest of the church thinks they know about worship. God is going to establish his will for that church and it’s going to be different. So don’t try to force an agenda, mood, or tone. You’re starting over from scratch as if you’ve never had worship in your life.

Start off with a core group of songs that you can use from now until the end of time. If you want to teach some of the hot, new songs that are out there, wait a couple of months. Establish your core, which should be around 25 - 30 songs, and pound them into the ground until everyone knows them backwards and forwards. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, until you have set up your core songs.

Some of the people in your church may not appreciate this time of core song development because they want new, hip and awesome, and you’re trying to do them a favor by setting up your foundation. Believe me, you will thank me for it later. There is nothing more frustrating than getting six months or a year into the church and realizing that your song selection is all over the place and you don’t know where you’re going or what new songs you should do next, because all of the songs you’ve ever done somehow feel like new songs. Trust me, set up the worship foundation. You will always have these to fall back on, and anyone else who comes along to lead worship after this will have a base to select from as well.

Depending on how remedial your church is, you may need two or three months to establish your core. It sounds like a long time, but if you consider that there are about four weeks in a month, you will see that you really only have 8 - 12 worship sessions to teach your core songs. Five or six songs a set, 30 songs to establish… you do the math.

So how do you pick these songs? Prayer helps.

No, seriously. The reason for this is simple yet not so simple. Listen to me carefully, people: The songs you need to choose should reflect what God is doing (or will be doing) in your church.

Here’s an example. There are a lot of great songs out now that every church is doing, even Catholic churches are borrowing for their evening youth sets. One good example is “Open the Eyes of My Heart.” It’s a great song that’s been around since the late 90’s and is now hitting it’s stride. Paul Baloche hit it out of the ballpark once again with this song. Right now it’s on every Christian station, everyone knows it, everyone loves it; yet another winner from Integrity Music. Every church knows it, every church is doing it, Michael W. Smith is even singing it on the radio. It’s a great song.

For the unfamiliar, the lyrics go (simplified):

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord, open the eyes of my heart
I want to see you, I want to see you
To see you high and lifted up, shining in the light of your glory
Pour out your power and love as we sing holy, holy, holy

It’s a great song. I taught it to my last two churches.

I will not be teaching it at my current church until I feel motivated to do so.

Here’s why. God has been pressing upon my pastor and myself that he is going to be doing something new and big in our church. Whatever he’s going to be doing, he isn’t going to need to open our eyes to see it, because it’s going to be so blatantly obvious that you’d have to be an idiot not to see it.

Because God is not worried about our eyesight right now, I’m going to move along and select songs that will apply to us a little more. There are two big topics that my pastor feels God is doing.

I’m not going to tell you what they are yet. I want to highlight the fact that I didn’t say I feel God is doing x, y, and z in the church. Spiritual crap aside, if you just aren’t sensing or seeing the direction of the church, go talk to your pastor. Seriously. It’s okay. Find out what they believe God is doing in the church. Spend time in prayer. If your church has a regular prayer time where people get together to pray for the church, go. It is part of your job (yeah, that’s right, I said ministry is work and not “happy fun screw-off time” - it can be fun and rewarding, but it’s still work and you have a responsibility) to have a general idea of where God is taking you, or at the very least, what he’s generally doing in your midst. Stay connected. Talk to your pastor. If you are just not the whole “touchy feely prophetic” type, don’t sweat it. God has a way of reaching us and will make it clear to you. If you still aren’t sure, don’t be afraid to go to your pastor. It is critical that you and your pastor are on the same path. Find out what God is doing, possibly where he may be taking you, and select songs that will support what God is doing. If he’s bringing freedom and healing to the church, avoid depressing songs that remind everyone how much they need to grovel and repent. You get the idea.

Okay, so you understand the need to establish your core songs based on what God is doing or plans to do in your church. I said I was going to tell you what God is doing in my church, and I will, but not today. That will come in the next lesson.

One year ago, Tom and I bought our first house. It needed some minor fixing — tacky wallpaper in the dining room and kitchen needed to go, wallpaper in the downstairs half-bath needed to go, the kitchen cabinets are old and dated, and the master bedroom is painted with a hideous neon yellow. To rectify these four things was my priority.

And so I began. Wallpaper in the dining room was ripped down and replaced with a neutral taupe wall color, and earth-toned accents of various reds and greens were introduced. The dining room is connected to the kitchen, so the dated cabinets and horrid wallpaper was still visible. In the meantime, we had also removed the wallpaper in the downstairs half-bath, but nothing else had done.

This has all been sitting, unfinished, for the past year.

Now, I could give you plenty of excuses as to why this wasn’t finished but none are really that good. What I will say is that sometimes it’s hard to get this stuff done because my wonderful husband always has a comment about everything and those comments are always negative. So when I start work, I already feel the oppressive comments of Eyore, the Agent of Negativity.

This morning, Agent Eyore is stuck upstairs on the computer, on a conference call with his coworkers. He will probably be there all weekend.

Now’s my chance. It is now 10:55am. I have showered and dressed. I have a big cup of coffee and a granola bar. The primer has been opened and stirred, and is waiting for me to pour it into the paint tray. The bathroom will get primered. Next, I have already started unloading some of the dishes from some of the cabinets. Crap is everywhere. I still have to pick out the worship for tomorrow and email the bulletin to my pastor, but I think that should wait. Time is of the essence and I must get this stuff done before Agent Eyore spots me.

More updates to come. Will edit this post with my progress.

Edit: 11:08am Agent Eyore came out of the computer room. I quickly shut the bathroom door behind me and he never saw what I was doing. He didn’t even notice that I have primer all over my arms. Speaking of which, he will probably be pretty mad when he finds out I was using the laptop while covered in primer. Cats are staring at me from the doorway, looking at me like I’m some sort of alien.

More updates to come.

Edit: 11:45am Almost finished with primer in the bathroom. Agent Eyore was reading his blogger during a conference call and caught me. Also does not like being referred to as “Agent Eyore.” I don’t think he’s figured out my master plan, so for now I am safe. Going to take a break and get tomorrow’s worship set done. More updates to come.

Edit: 3:50pm I had to go dark for a couple of hours. At first, I thought Agent Eyore was on to me, but I was able to divert his attention elsewhere. After I went out and got him a large sub, he seemed satisfied and returned to the computer room. Mission progress: I have removed the kitchen cabinet doors that face the dining room and have given everything a good coat of primer, except for two cabinet doors. Will give a second coat of primer in a few minutes. Will provide more updates later.

Edit: 5:40 Primer in the bathroom and kitchen is complete. Paint is scheduled for tomorrow… woo!

My apologies to anyone who is annoyed with my continued documentation of my ongoing journey into the writing process. This is another one of those posts so feel free to skip it. Talking it out here is just my way of processing what I’ve learned.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve posted two more chapters to the guild site: Chapter Five, International House of Pain, and Six, Moving Targets.

The good news is that I’m getting into a routine. Chapter five was originally supposed to include the material in chapter six, but it was getting way too long. A friend recommended that I break it up in half and, after a great deal of reluctance, I did.

It was probably the best thing I have done yet. Over the past month or so, I had been thinking about how great it would be if I could post these things on a regular day and always stay one chapter ahead of schedule. So, for example, if I was scheduled to post chapter six, then I would be done with the first write up of chapter seven. Then I could take then next week off until I was ready to sit down and edit.

Edits have been my biggest problem to date. It takes me an excruciating hour just to pound out 500 words. By the time I’m done with an entire chapter, my brain is fried. If I try to go back over the material too soon to make edits, all I see on the page is “blah blah blah.” Seriously. So splitting chapter five into two parts actually worked out well for me.

But then I had a problem. The of chapter six was slated to be an action-packed chase scene that I had been noodling around in my head for the past month. As I’ve said previously, action scenes are really hard for me to write because I keep telling myself how bad I am at writing them. Yes, defeated before I begin!

I got half way through writing the scene three times, but they truly were all crap and ended up being deleted. It wasn’t true to myself and what I had in my head to write. The chapter was set aside so I could write up chapter seven.

On Wednesday, I edited the first three-quarters of chapter six, which was everything that I had so far since the ending wasn’t written. I’m happy with what I did there and I stand by what came out. It’s like Top Chef - you have to stand by your dish.

On Thursday night, I grabbed the laptop and started again with the dreaded chase scene. but didn’t have much time to work on it. Friday morning I got into work, ran down to the cafeteria for the biggest cup of coffee I could get (no sightings of the Coffee Nazi) and a yogurt that had fruit and granola to give you the illusion that you are eating something healthy, even though sugar is probably the #1 ingredient in it. When I got back up to my desk, I didn’t get up until the chase scene was finished, which was about lunchtime. By then, my brain was so fried that when I tried to go back over to edit, all I saw was “blah blah blah” all over the page. I tried doing some edits, but I was just burned out.

This morning I was too terrified to look over what I had done, but forced myself to look at a paragraph or two of the chase scene. What I read made me sad, because it is a skeleton of what could have been a good scene. When I wrote it, I didn’t savor it - it’s truly a first draft. I also fear that the sequences are a little confusing, but I can’t bring myself to do it over. Maybe I won’t look it over again. Something seems so narcissistic about re-reading my posts.

At least I’ve learned a very valuable lesson. I didn’t always think the editing process was a good idea because I wanted my first write-up to be a magnificent literary achievement, and that’s just not how I work I guess. Hell, I’m still trying to get something to be a decent literary achievement. I’ve learned the value of the editing process now, and will try to stick to it. Chapters will now be released every other Friday, unless I can get faster and better at this. Maybe someday I will be able to release a chapter every week?

I doubt it.

“Call me old school, but kids need to eat. And not just once a day - you’ve got to feed them twice a day!”

Coffee Stalker just popped by my desk to tell me he requested to move his desk to the other side of my cubicle wall. Apparently he is doing this so he can be nearer to his co-workers and get a little more peace and quiet. I explained that the last four people who have sat by me requested to move because my boss and I make so much noise (there was a fifth, but I had her moved) but he seemed determined! He’s on the other side of my wall right now, plugging his laptop in…